Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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