The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
