Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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