**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
