Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize