Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
