I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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