i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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