That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
