Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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