I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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