My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
