he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
