WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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