i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
