Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
