I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
