I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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