I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
