So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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