so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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