SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
