Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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