Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
