My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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