You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
