My hand turned me down
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
