i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The beer is more important than you right now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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