i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
