she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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