Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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