i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
where am i from again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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