as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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