Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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