I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
