i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
