by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
