I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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