You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
