I can text with my tongue
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
