I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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