i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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