I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize