I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
