You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
