it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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