Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
