he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
