dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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