my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
