apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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