12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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