Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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