you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
