oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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