Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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