elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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