you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize