bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
