and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
