so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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