Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
