You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
zippers are such a cool invention
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
