Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
