I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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