I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
