I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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