Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
