I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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