White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize