I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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