so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
