Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
