watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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