I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
